


Forgiveness and Absolution

by Brindel



Category: Stargate: Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-02
Updated: 2006-03-02
Packaged: 2017-10-17 15:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/178116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brindel/pseuds/Brindel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trinity coda in three parts. (SGAFlashfic Documentation Challenge)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All Thanks to morena donn for prodding me into finally posting this. These were originally three seperate pieces written at different times, but looking at them now, I thought they fit suprisingly well together.

Forgiveness and Absolution

Rodney shut his laptop down and rubbed a hand across his face. He didn't get it. He still didn't see where he'd made a mistake. According to everything they had, in ALL the simulations they'd run, it should have worked. It really should have! What was he missing? Where did he go so utterly wrong?

Error, while uncommon, was not unknown to Rodney McKay, and he'd meant what he'd told Jo...the Colonel down on the planet. He was not in the habit of repeating his mistakes. Whether it was over-confidence, blind ambition, or guilt over Collins' death that had driven him was completely beside the point. A mistake in his calculations had been made and by all that was Holy, he was going to know where!

After he and John...he and the Colonel had gotten back safely from Duranda, Rodney had apologized to everyone he could think to apologize to, and then he'd gone back and apologized to Radek again, this time specifically about the "professional jealousy" comment. Once that was out of the way, they'd managed to sit down and go over Radek's theory about the "exotic particle production" as the source of his error. But...but while, yes, he did see that the problem existed, the manual adjustments should have be able to compensate.

After a few hours of yelling and general name-calling, which helped remarkably to clear the air for both of them, he'd even gotten Radek to concede the simulation showed an 85 probability of working with his calculations. Which was a victory of sorts at least, but it didn't change the fact he had failed.

Regardless of what anyone else might think of him, risking someone's life, especially his own, no matter what the stakes, was not something he did lightly. He wouldn't have done that, not with his and Colonel Sheppard's lives depending it. As hard as it might be for anyone to believe, especially now, he took the lives of others very seriously. Goddammit! It should have worked!

And even if it hadn't, which he had considered, just not where anyone could hear him, even then, the safety protocols had been re-done after the first incident. Those routines were in a separate program all together! Why hadn't he been able to at least shut it off when it was clear it wasn't working?

That...that really worried him, possibly even more than the error in his calculations. A flaw in the shut-down protocol? That was something else entirely.

So..., what had gone wrong?

******

"Dr. Weir?" Elizabeth tapped her comm with one hand while continuing to work on report on her laptop with the other.

"Yes, Radek? What can I do for you?"

"I found something in the files we saved from Duranda that I think you need to see. I'm sending it to you now."

Something in the tone of his voice made her stop everything and frown in concern.

"What is it?"

"You will see. Just watch."

Her laptop chimed. "Alright, I just got it. I'm opening the file now."

When the file opened, it was to a dark, grainy image of the inside of the Durandan facility, apparently part of a security feed. The lab itself was full of smoke and rubble and the lighting was dim. Two people were visible only as dark shapes leaning awkwardly against a damaged console in the left foreground, but their voices could be heard clearly.

The first figure spoke, his voice harsh from the smoke. "You know it has to be done, Pawelek. We have no other choice."

The second figure, presumably Pawelek, answered. "I know! I do know. It's just...hard. Another day or two at the most, and we would have had the answer!"

The first shook his head vehemently, then hissed in pain and wrapped one arm around his abdomen. "It doesn't matter now. Everyone else is dead, and...and we are both dying from the exposure, you know that. Whatever else happens, we can not allow a power source of this magnitude to fall into the hands of the Wraith!" The figure took a deep breath, then continued. "The only thing limiting the Wraith to this galaxy is the fact that their hyperdrives are merely interstellar, and not intergalactic. But with this much power, coupled with their ability to hibernate, they could simply point a Hive ship at any galaxy, activate the hyperdrive and hibernate until the ship arrived. For the sake of the rest of the Universe, we must see to it they never get that chance."

Pawelek pulled himself painfully to his feet and began examining one of the remaining intact consoles. "You're right, Selar. I know you're right. The only question is how are we to stop them."

Selar looked up sharply at that. "What do you mean?"

Still examining the console readings, Pawelek continued, "With that last surge from Acturus, all the power has been completely drained. I can't restart the system to trigger an overload, not until power has built back up, and I...I don't think we have that long. I do have an idea, but it has it's risks."

Selar leaned his head back against the console. "At this point we don't have much choice. The Wraith currently in the system may be destroyed, but we must assume more Hive ships are on their way even now."

"My thoughts exactly. So, we let them come."

"What?"

"Let them come. I may not have enough power to restart the system, but I can still cripple the protocols."

"You mean sabotage?"

Pawelek nodded sharply. "Sabotage. I can set it so that the next time the machine is powered-up, it will self-destruct."

"You can guarantee it?"

"That's the risk. It is possible the Wraith might detect the changes or override our protocols."

"Then it's too risky. We need a way to guarantee this facility with be destroyed."

Pawelek thought furiously for a moment. "I can cripple multiple systems; that way even if one change is found, there are still others to act as a back-up. I figure the most critical systems to sabotage would be the containment and shut-down protocols." Pawelek broke off, bent double with a fit of coughing. When he resumed, his voice was noticeably rougher. "We need to hurry. There isn't much time."

"Do it."

Elizabeth slowly closed the laptop and stared with unseeing eyes at the masks on the far wall of her office. My God. It was...hard to accept and yet..., hadn't she been willing, even ready, to do exactly the same thing? Hadn't she been set to destroy Atlantis right before Colonel Everett had stepped through the wormhole? And ready to see Atlantis destroyed during the storm rather than fall into the hands of the Genii? Was it really so hard to believe the Ancients would rather obliterate their own technology than to see it exploited by the Wraith?

Rodney. Oh God, Rodney. What was she going to say to him? And after the way she'd torn into him in front of the rest of the crew, would he even bother to listen?

******

Rodney looked up as the door to his lab opened. Eliz...Dr. Weir and Radek? He took in the somber looks on their faces and stood up to face them, hands clasped behind his back in an approximation of parade rest. "So, am I being asked to step down as Head of the Science Department?"

Dr. Weir seemed completely taken aback by the question, But honestly, Rodney thought, why else would they both be down here at the same time?

"No. No, Rodney. That's not why we're here."

"Alright." Rodney cocked his head to one side and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Then why are you here, if it's not about my rather spectacular failure?"

"Well,...actually that is what we wanted to talk to you about. It...Rodney, it wasn't your fault."

Rodney huffed and gave them both a disgusted look. "Wasn't my fault? Of course it was my fault! Who else's would it be?"

"No! No. We mean you weren't wrong!" Elizabeth insisted. Rodney just shrugged.

"Oh that. I knew that."

"The Ancients, they...what? Wait,...You, you knew?"

"Well, of course I knew! I told you, didn't I? I said, 'By my calculations, it shouldn't have happened!'"

"No, no, what I mean is we have proof that the Ancients sabotaged the protocols."

"And I said, I know."

"Rodney, I know you think..."

"No, you don't. You really don't. Regardless of how you may think I operate, I am very careful in what I do. I checked all my calculations, not once, not twice, but THREE times. Do you understand? Three times."

Rodney started pacing the length of the room. "After the...the first incident, I went back and re-worked everything. I knew what was at stake, and my calculations were right. I actually bet my life and the Colonel's on that fact."

He stopped and turned to face the pair. "So, if they were right, then something on Duranda must have been wrong. The thing was, we'd checked those systems as well. So, whatever was wrong, it had to have been hidden on purpose. And a 'deliberately hidden wrong' equals sabotage to me."

Both Radek and Elizabeth stared at Rodney in shock for a moment. Radek was the first to recover. "Then if...if you knew...why did you not say something?" Radek asked, honestly puzzled.

"I had no real proof. Nothing concrete I could show anyone, and without proof...well, it was just my word against The Ancients, and we all know what my word is worth right now," he said with a grimace.

With a deep sigh, he continued, "Besides, none of that changes the fact that what happened on Duranda was entirely my fault. I let my own pride and ego completely take over." He looked apologetically at Radek. "I refused to listen to any of my colleagues, and as a result, I cost us our best chance at learning more about the theories behind so much of the Ancient's technology." He shook his head. "Even if we'd never gotten the machine to work, the information alone in a research facility like that, would have been invaluable." The anguish and guilt he still felt shone clearly in his eyes.

"It was worse than that, Rodney," Elizabeth said softly, "You nearly cost us... you."

Rodney blushed uncomfortably at that and looked away. "Yes well, thank you both for coming down, but if that was all you wanted, I still have work to do."

Elizabeth looked at him uncertainly. "Rodney? Don't you want people to know the truth?" she asked.

Rodney gave a heavy shrug. "It's entirely up to you, but like I said, I don't see how it changes anything. While it is gratifying to have proof my calculations weren't at fault, it was still ultimately my attitude that allowed Duranda to happen. And it's my attitude that is the real issue." He gave a sad smile.

"How long have both of you known me? I've always been like this. The flaws are there. I know them, you know them, and now all of Atlantis knows them. The best I can do try to minimize the damage in the future. I earned people's trust before, by being who I am. And I now I've lost it, by being who I am. The fact the two of you know you can still trust my calculations, that helps. But let's not kid ourselves. Knowing Atlantean sabotage was the reason for the overload on Duranda doesn't make any of what I did right."

With that, Rodney turned away and started working on his laptop. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to finish this analysis."

Radek and Elizabeth both stared at Rodney's unmoving back, exchanged a silent look, and quietly left the lab.

Once outside in the hallway, Elizabeth turned to Radek. "I'm not sure what I expected, but that definitely wasn't it."

"Nor I. I don't think I quite realized just how deeply to heart he has taken all of this. I had hoped knowing he wasn't entirely at fault would...cheer him up, I suppose? He has been far too quiet lately."

Radek ran a hand through his hair. "I had assumed his, let us just say, 'reclusive' attitude lately was due to the fact his calculations had been wrong, and showing him they might not have been would snap him out of it."

He looked intently at Elizabeth. "You must understand, math is a basic tool for what we do. Our logic may be flawed, our implementation may be wrong, but our math? Dr. Weir, It would be as if you, as a diplomat, found you could no longer speak English. To have his calculations appear to be so completely wrong, Rodney has to have been questioning his value to the expedition."

Elizabeth thought about that for a moment, she hadn't really considered it like that before. "But surely Rodney knows we value him for himself, not just for his contributions?"

"Does he?" Radek stopped walking for a moment to take off glasses and rub his nose. "There was a time I would have agreed, but now? We've lost so many, Dumais, Gaul, Peter, Lieutenant Ford, and gained so many new faces, it's different. There was a feeling of shared purpose, of camraderie here, that's missing now. The newest members don't know what Rodney has gone through for us in the past. They can only go by what they've seen for themselves and the way the current staff treat him. Lately, what they've seen hasn't exactly shown Rodney in a very good light, and as for treatment, well, our attitudes toward him have been...cold at best. The new recruits take their cues from us and Rodney has had to deal with the result."

Elizabeth gave him a long, searching look. "You know, you're right. And it's high time we changed that."

******

Rodney straightened up as soon as the door to his lab closed and turned to stare at the space where Elizabeth and Radek had stood. It seemed almost too much to hope for, after his blatant display of...of unbridled arrogance.

He'd resigned himself to the fact he'd destroyed whatever trust he had developed here in Atlantis, and to be honest, he'd lost far more, over much less in his past. But, somehow, he'd apparently regained Elizabeth's trust. And it had been made clear to him when he'd tried to apologize that he had never really lost Radek's.

Now all that was left was the Colonel...John. With a new sense of hope, Rodney actually believed, for the first time since that moment at the transporter, he might actually be able to regain all he had lost.


	2. Lunch

Rodney sighed heavily as he looked down at the power bar lying on the counter at his work station.

Lunch.

Before coming to Atlantis, he'd have scarfed it down in about four bites while still arguing with one of the other scientists and not given it a second thought.

Since Atlantis though, or more specifically, since joining John's team, lunch had come to mean more than that.

The first time, John had simply sauntered into his labs one afternoon and blithely announced, "Time for all good little scientists to take a break." Then he'd herded the entire lab staff out. Rodney had actually been a bit angry at that, and more than slightly taken aback. How dare he? What right did John have to just come barging into his lab, interrupting his work and running off all his assistants?

But Rodney's complaints hadn't fazed John in the slightest, he'd just grinned conspiratorially, then turned around and gestured Ford and Teyla in from where they had been standing out in the hallway. Each one had a tray carefully balanced in either hand.

"Ta Dah!" John said with a proud smile. "I meant that, before. It's time you took at least a little break, Rodney." He held up his hands, palms out, as Rodney started to argue again. "I know the work you do here is important; I'm not arguing that, but you're just as important, and we want to make sure 'the best mind in Atlantis' is being taken care of, all right? So, shut up and eat, McKay."

Stunned and not quite sure how he was expected to respond, Rodney did as he was told. As he recalled, the lunch had been cold "mystery meatloaf" in a watery brown gravy, and it had been eaten while sitting on a hard lab stool, surrounded by three people he barely even knew. It had been one of the best meals he'd ever had.

After that, the 'interruptions' started happening more frequently. At first, maybe just once a week or so, but it had quickly become a part of his routine. They'd also stopped bringing the food to him and had begun to drag him from the lab and out into the mess. He complained about being forced to abandon his work, but it was mostly just show, because they seemed to expect it of him. He'd never admit it, but he looked forward to spending a little "down-time" with the other members of his team. When not off-world, he had his duties as the Chief of Science, plus his own projects, and they each had duties of their own as well.

The thing of it was, for John, Ford and Teyla, their "Atlantian duties" were all very similar. Military, or at least of a military background and mindset, and it gave the three of them a common frame of reference Rodney just didn't share. So, knowing they took the time to come pry him out of his lab, just so the four of them could sit and have lunch together, had given Rodney a warm sense of belonging and companionship he'd rarely experienced before.

It had been too good to last, though. Rodney shook his head. He really should have known better than to let himself get so attached.

At first, there was no help for it, the Wraith were on their way and there was no time for lunch breaks for anyone anymore, and then Ford had ended up…the way he was, and John simply stopped talking to anyone outside of work or missions. Rodney understood and respected that. John just needed some time. Losing Ford the way they had was hard on everyone, but on John in particular, since it was clear he blamed himself for what had happened, he seemed to see it as a personal failure, since he felt it was his responsibility to do whatever it took to 'take care of his men'.

And just as things had begun to return to what passes for normal in the Pegasus Galaxy, there was Ford back again, in worse shape than ever, and clearly not in his right mind, not to mention running into the new guy, Ronon. Ronon's apparent indestructibility, after having survived the Wraith one-on-one for seven years, coupled with John's reminder of his perceived failure to protect Ford, well, really, it was no wonder John almost seemed to latch onto Ronon like a talisman. At some level he had to feel that surely Ronon could be counted on to take care of himself in this crazy galaxy.

In the weeks that followed, John had begun spending lunch with Ronon as part of an effort to convince him to join the team. Seeing that, Rodney started to hope it would mean a return to the old days of the whole team eating together in the mess, and then he'd managed to destroy five sixths of a solar system and all of John's trust in one afternoon.

Rodney sighed once more. He'd heard about the runs John and Ronon had started taking around Atlantis. He already knew that the sparring sessions between John and Teyla had started up again. And news had it that Teyla and Ronon were also sparring together.

And again, the other three members of the team had more in common with each other than any of them did with Rodney. Now that Ford was gone, there wasn't even the tenuous bond of "earthlings showing their culture to the native". He and John were the only 'Earthlings' left on the team and that just wasn't much of a bond when compared to the "Bond of Brotherhood" that every military-minded grunt in every galaxy apparently felt.

John was obviously more comfortable with Teyla and Ronon, especially after the whole trust issue and what had happened with the Arcturus Project. In fact, since then, John had left him behind on a mission with Carson and then later on the Aurora, he'd outright said he still didn't trust him.

Rodney ran a hand through his hair. Maybe it was time to simply resign from the team. John no longer trusted him, and while he had made the comment about "earning back" his trust, an away mission was not the place to do it. If you didn't trust your teammate, then that teammate was a liability. It was that simple.  
Not to mention the fact John apparently felt he was so useless in a military situation that it was better just to leave him behind. No, leaving the team was the right thing to do. With him gone, John could pick a new teammate he could count on, not one he had to constantly keep an eye on.

Rodney was so lost in his train of thought, he didn't hear the lab door open, and so when Ronon spoke, he nearly fell off the lab stool.

"Why are you still here?" Ronan's deep voice rumbled right over Rodney's head.

"Good God, man! What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?" Rodney spun around, glaring up at Ronon furiously.

Ronon just gazed back, unblinking. "Come on." he said, and wrapped one large hand around Rodney's bicep.

"Hey! Hey, what are you doing?" Rodney yelped as he was pulled toward the door.

A terse Ronon simply answered, "Food."

"What? Food?" Rodney repeated in confusion.

"You have not been to eat in the cafeteria." said Ronon.

"Well, no, I've been very busy here in the lab…" Rodney said, a little defensively.

Ronan countered by saying, "Sheppard told Teyla the only way to get you to eat something other than a powerbar was to drag you from your lab, so I came to get you to come eat with us."

"That really isn't necessary. Look, I'm sure the three of you will just be discussing the merits of the latest method to kill someone with a toothpick, or something equally inane. You don't need me there for that." Rodney said with a slight grimace.

"No, but we want you there." Ronon replied.

"I'll just stay…Wait, What? Why?"

Ronon gave Rodney a faintly quizzical look. "You're part of the team." He said, as if it should have been completely obvious.

The flare of hope that suddenly welled up took Rodney by surprise. Maybe, just maybe, things weren't quite as bad as he'd thought. It was just possible that on occasion he was overly pessimistic.

Ronon pulled on his arm once more, "You coming?"

"Yeah." Rodney smiled down at the solitary powerbar. Leaving it where it was, he got up and headed towards the door without a single backwards glance.

"Just making sure nothing important was left out." he said, as the two of them headed out down the hallway.


	3. Absolute Confidence

Rodney could feel the tingle starting in his fingers, just enough to make him clumsy. Was there a little tightness around his chest? Maybe some lightheadedness?

Yep. Hypoglycemic reaction, right on cue. Just perfect.

He’d figured it would happen soon enough. The Daedelus was almost back from its first run to Atlantis, which meant he’d been working for at least twelve hours straight now. Probably longer, they’d been on Taranus for a good while before the Daedelus was ever contacted.

But could he stop? Oh no. Thanks to Joh…Sheppard’s last little pep-talk, he just had to ‘fix those damn engines’, not to mention getting life support up and running for god-only-knows how many people, and tracking down those strange readings coming from the inertial dampeners, and then there was still the matter of these shields…

Rodney rested his forehead in his hand for a moment and looked over towards Norina, still intently reviewing the specs from the Aurora he had downloaded for her. He opened his mouth to say something, and then thought better of it. Because, really, what could she do? Besides, he had the feeling unless it was about Ancient power systems, she wasn’t particularly interested in what he had to say.

Oh well, that’s what the powerbars are for, right? Fumbling at his vest pocket, Rodney dug out a bar. He’d just pinched the end of the wrapper to pull the foil apart, when the next harmonic tremor hit. It was mercifully brief, but the damage was already done.

Damn. Rodney stared blankly down at the edge of the console, looking at the spot where he'd just watched his last powerbar mischievously scoot underneath. He knelt down to fish it out, but it was no use, it had slid too far back for him to feel.

Whatever. He didn’t have time to play hide-and-go-seek with it, he really didn’t. With a grunt, he levered himself up, abandoning the bar and making a half-hearted attempt to brush off his knees.

Norina, who’d been quietly reviewing the shield schematics, glanced up, but he waved her off with a wan smile. "Nothing to worry about right now. I’ll deal with it later. First, let’s see about getting these shields operational, shall we?"

**********

John couldn’t quite stop grinning as he heard Caldwell’s voice. They had made it! He glanced over at Rodney and grinned even harder when he saw the scientist was still hanging onto the console with a white-knuckled death grip. He swiveled in his chair and turned to face him. "We made it, Rodney!"

A pale face turned back. "Ronon. Teyla," was his soft reply. John’s eyes darkened as he met Rodney's haunted stare, and all the humor dropped from his face.

But before he could say anything, "We’re here." Ronon’s gruff voice came rumbling over the comm.

"Ronon! You and Teyla are both okay?" John was quick to respond.

"Yeah, Daedelus picked us up earlier. We tried contacting you, couldn’t get through."

John gave Rodney a triumphant smile. "See? They’re okay. We’re *all* okay."

Rodney finally let go of the console and stepped back. Now that he was no longer holding on, John could see the fine tremors that shook him. He looked mildly up at John and answered, "Oh. Well, good. Yes. That’s good."

Turning away with a distracted air, he’d barely taken two steps before his eyes rolled up and he struck the floor with a thud.

"Shit! Carson!" John jumped out of his chair to reach the crumpled shape, but Carson was already on the move. He'd been keeping a surreptitious eye on Rodney ever since that dizzy spell when he'd "stood up too quickly" earlier.

Carefully rolling Rodney over to check for any injuries from the fall, he kept up a running commentary as he checked Rodney’s vitals. "Thready pulse, shallow respirations, clammy skin...Augh, Rodney-me-lad, what are we going to do with you?"

"Orion? Sheppard, Come back in." Caldwell’s voice carried just the barest hint of concern.

John looked up. "We’re all still here, just a minor bit of excitement. Rodney’s faint...passed out on us."

"Fainted? Is he alright?"

Carson was quick to answer. "Oh, aye, he’ll be fine. But it’s a bit more than just a faint, it’s definitely a hypoglycemic reaction. I’d like to tend to him over in the Daedelus’ infirmary. Do you think you can have us beamed over?"

Norina had been watching everything unfold with a mix of horror and concern. "Will he be alright?"

Carson looked over at her and gave a tight smile. "Aye, he should be right as rain once I get him into the infirmary. Rodney is hypoglycemic, if he goes without eating for too long, well, you can see." He looked down at Rodney’s lax face with a mix of affection and exasperation. "I’ve told him to keep a few powerbars on him at all times to prevent just this sort of situation, and he’s pretty diligent about taking care of his health. I don’t know how he let himself get into such bad shape."

Norina looked embarrassed. "I'm afraid that's my fault."

John and Carson exchanged a look. It was easy enough to believe that the attractive blonde had Rodney rattled, but..."How? I know for a fact he had at least three bars on him when we arrived." John asked curiously.

Still looking at Rodney, Norina answered. "Earlier in the base, I was feeling a little hungry. I said something to Dr. McKay and he offered..." she trailed off, raising distressed eyes to John's face, distracting *him* so that it was Carson who spoke next.

"Alright, lass, but that’s only the one."

Norina turned her anguished gaze back to Carson. "Yes. But then a little later, one of the children from the village, a little girl, wandered in, lost. I knew her family would come for her, but she was so scared. I thought a bit of sweet might distract her, so I asked Rodney for another. I didn’t quite know what to make of the look he gave me, but he handed over one without hesitation," she smiled fondly, remembering, but her smile faded as she continued. "Now I know why he looked so...odd...as he did."

"That’s two." Carson prompted. "And the last?"

"I’m not sure, but...wait just a moment." Norina headed over to the shield control console Rodney had been kneeling by earlier. Looking about, she spotted a long, thin strip of metal, debris from one of the quakes, and swept it deeply under the console. A shiny powerbar skittered across the floor to end up spinning slowly in front of Sheppard’s foot.

"I saw him kneeling here earlier, and I thought he looked worried, but he waved me off. He said it wasn’t important and he’d deal with it after the crisis was past. He must have waited too long."

Carson looked down at Rodney with fond irritation, "Aye, that sounds like our Rodney."

**********

When Carson finally let him into the infirmary, John just stood for a moment, staring down at his friend. "Dammit McKay, what were you thinking?"

A groggy Rodney glared back up. "I was trying not to think of myself and to 'fix the damn engines', as you oh-so-politely requested."

"I didn't mean it that way," John began, but Rodney cut him off.

"Yes you, did. You were *angry* and you were right. I, as usual, had my priorities all skewed."

John had, too, he realized. He'd been angry, yes, but mostly because he'd been jealous of the adoring looks Norina had been sending, and he'd been doing his best to wind McKay up. Still, it was a shame that his anger was all Rodney had sensed. "I had faith in you, you know."

"Right, which is why you told Elizabeth I was, and I quote, 'pathetic'."

John winced. Damn, he hadn't realized the comm was open during that exchange. How the hell had that happened? And more importantly, how many other careless things had Rodney overheard? He opened his mouth to try to explain, but didn’t get the chance.

At that moment, Carson stepped back into the infirmary. In a swift glance he took in Rodney’s tense and exhausted expression and John’s look of stubborn determination, and decided it might be time to politely chase John out, rather than have to two of them get started on the kind of intense conversation that was apparently building. For all his earlier complaints about 'being fine' and how 'his brilliance was needed on the Orion', Rodney really did need some time to recuperate.

"Colonel, please. He needs his rest, and there are two more visitors waiting." He looked suddenly concerned. "And anyway, shouldn't you be aboard the Orion, *Captain*?"

"Nah," John replied. "The captain doesn't actually fly a ship that size, and Miller's a perfectly competent pilot. On the other hand, it is my turn to pla....practice, so I probably should go." He paused, glancing over his shoulder towards Rodney. "You'll take good care of him?" John demanded softly.

"Of course," Carson replied, giving John an appraising look. "I'm right fond of the man myself. Away with you, now."

John nodded once and headed for the door. As he walked out, the ‘two waiting visitors’, Teyla and Ronon, came in together. Rodney turned bleary eyes in their direction. "You’re not dead? I mean, you’re both okay?"

Ronon stared down at the pale, rumpled figure in the bed. He still felt awkward in these situations. A wounded comrade to ‘cheer up’? Not something he'd had much chance to deal with in the past. In his experience, you either lived though the engagement, you died, or you were culled and as good as dead.

He gave a shrug. Sheppard usually handled these things by making some sort of joke. Still feeling uncomfortable, he gave it a try.

"Yeah, we’re fine. No thanks to you." Ronon's attempt at humor fell flat, earning him a glare from Teyla.

Rodney missed the byplay, and paled slightly, murmuring, "Sorry, I should have been able to do more. I failed both of you. If it had been up to me, you’d be dead now."

"No, Rodney, it is alright, we are fine." Teyla assured him, shooting another dark glare at Ronon.

He gave them both a vaguely suspicious sideways look. "So, you’re not angry?"

Teyla firmly answered, "Angry? No, of course not. We know you did absolutely everything you could, Rodney. It is thanks to you that nearly the entire population of Taranus was saved. There is nothing for us to be angry about."

Ronon nodded. "Yeah, you did good."

Rodney blinked at that, quickly covering his momentary pleased surprise with an arch look. "Good? ‘I did good’? I did quite a bit better than ‘good’, genius here, remember?" His harangue was suddenly cut short by a wide yawn.

As if he’d only been waiting for that as his cue, Carson stepped forward. "Alright now, I know everyone would love to stay and listen to you regale us all with tales of your genius, but you’re still recovering and you need rest. Everyone, time to go."

As Ronon and Teyla made their goodbyes, Rodney could feel his eyes sliding shut. He was just drifting off to sleep when he became aware of voices in the corridor outside the infirmary.

"Colonel Sheppard, you are still here?" Teyla’s voice floated in.

Sheppard’s drawl agreed. "Figured I could wait for you two before heading back."

"I feel I must warn you that Colonel Caldwell was not pleased with your actions on Taranus. He felt that you had... taken a gamble." Teyla began.

"Wasn't a gamble," Ronon cut her off. "He knew McKay would come through."

"Rodney always does," John declared affectionately. "Sometimes he just needs a little prodding."

They fell silent then, but Rodney could sense them out there in the hall. A tension that had lived in his gut since Duranda finally began to give way under the warmth and trust he had heard in those voices.

His team. Rodney was surprised by the wave of almost fierce loyalty that swept through him at that thought. He slid easily into sleep, feeling more content than he had for a long while.


End file.
